Denver custody and divorce attorneys see all types of cases related to child issues. This includes divorces with children, custody cases, cases involving modification of visitation, cases involving enforcement of existing visitation orders, and contempt of court cases. The parent/child relationship in one case will not be the same as in another. Though the general hope is that the bond between mother or father and the child is strong, the reality is that that bond can be strained for various reasons, whether related to the break up of the family, a child with behaviorial issues, a parent with challenges in terms of appropriately parenting, a parent engaged in child alienation, time, distance, or a child just getting older and spreading his or her wings. From a custody law standpoint, the question arises of "what do you do when your child doesn't want to go for visitation?" The answers vary, but there are steps to take to heal relationships, enforce your court orders, and to protect yourself if you are the primary custodial parent.
Though not extremely common, it is not that unusual to have a non-custodial parent entitled to parenting time indicate that a child, or children, do not want to come for visitation with him or her. Often times, the non-custodial parent will be left with no real explanation other than the other parent saying the kids are "angry," "afraid," "bored," "don't like your new spouse," etc. Of course, children are not always going to feel comfortable sharing those feelings with that parent, out of fear of hurting their feelings or upsetting them. The non-custodial parent is left in a postion of wondering what the right move is? Should they force the children to come, knowing they don't want to? Is the other parent doing something to influence the childr not to come? Will the court do anything? Court's are used to allegations from some custodial parents that the children don't want to go for visitation, for various reasons. Generally, the children's statements would be hearsay and not admissible in court. As such, the key to figuring out what is going on is counseling. Counseling in these types of situations can come in many forms. When a child doesn't want to go for parenting time, for whatever reason, one can try to get to the core of finding out why via getting the child into individual counseling?
From a problem solving standpoint, perhaps the more effective tool would be to get the child and non-custodial parent involved in reintegration or reunification counseling. This is joint counseling with parent and child designed to figure out what's going on and to work with both parent and child to get over the emotional or behavioral hurdles which have the child avoiding visitation. The sole focus of the reintegration therapy is to heal the relationship. Aside from situations in which a child is resisting parenting time, this type of counseling is also generally deemed appropriate by the courts in situations in which a parent has been absent for long periods of time. Above either parent's wishes or rights, a court wants to know that a child is emotionally safe and comfortable with visitation. As such, reintegration therapy will generally be the first, and hopefully last, step. Sadly, there are cases in which this therapy doesn't work. Neither parent or child may be willing to change their positions or behaviors. The custodial parent may be alienating the child from the other parent. These types of concerns will likely come out in the therapy and can also be dealt with via the court.
When your child does not want to come see you, the primary concern should be how to deal with things. Forcing the child in a non-therapeutic setting can only make things worse, particularly with teenagers. Additionally, parents must keep in mind that as kids get older, say 14 or 15 years of age, they will want more autonomy. Courts recognize this as well and once kids reach their mid-to-late teenage years, courts will often factor in their wishes when dealing with visitation. Again, forcing the issue can make the rift greater. With children this age, it is better to take things slowly, with the hope that they will see the light and come around once they reach adulthood. By this I mean that you shouldn't sacrifice your future relationship by forcing the issue in a highly aggressive manner today. The law affords remedies which one can avail himself or herself of. Don't give up. Just proceed with intelligence, and in a legally appropriate manner.