Today is February 14th,Valentine’s Day, a largely manufactured holiday leading to massive financial benefits for the card, flower, candy, and restaurant industries. Every man and woman in a relationship, or most, feel the pressures of making sure gifts and sentiments of love are exchanged. Attorneys are no different. We have all heard countless lawyer jokes such as, “What do you call 50 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.” These jokes likely flow from the perception that attorneys are cold, cut throat, heartless people. Some are. However, some of us still have hearts. Though our blog is generally devoted to legal issues revolving around custody or divorce in Denver, I will devote this posting to Valentine’s Day, with the call to all readers to stay together, if you can.
Over the years, I have seen countless people who come to the Denver family law attorneys at Plog & Stein at the end of their relationships. I often ponder why those relationships are ending? I also often ponder gathering statistical data on the subject for purposes of determining just what leads people to divorce. In reality, I am too busy to undertake such an endeavor. From a non-scientific standpoint, I have resolved that beyond cheating, financial issues, selfishness, or the the more tragic reasons such as domestic or substance abuse, most people split up because they just simply grow apart.
Going back to Valentine’s Day, the manufactured holiday is all based on love. Every card or box of candy has a heart on it, the universal symbol of love and affection. Though it may sound sappy or romantic, I have deduced that the love once known in a relationship slips away, and the rest flows from there. Practicing Colorado divorce law takes a certain stomach. All day, an attorney is faced with sad stories of break-ups, financial strife, and people just plain treating each other badly. One benefit that flows from these observations is that I have learned what-not-to-do in a relationshp. By this I mean that I see all kinds of examples of behaviors that can lead to divorce. I then strive to do the opposite.
By all means, if there is infidelity, domestic violence, cruelty, child abuse, insurmountable substance abuse, or intentional/foolish financial mismanagement to the point of ruin for your children, there is no reason to stay together. Absent those things, there is always the opportunity to try. The institution of marriage is not just some light agreement entered into by two people for convenience, or based on a whim. Marriage is a commitment and the cliche vow goes, “til death do us part.” People seem to have forgotten this ending. When things get a little rough, or something else catches their eye, too many people view divorce as the first option. We are not in junior high, changing boyfriends or girlfriends every other week. Marriage is supposed to be for life. I believe that each of us, internally, has the strength and fortitude to try. It may not be easy. The road may get rough. But in the end, if you make that commitment to your marriage, you won’t have to come see us.